On Choosing Mentors – 3 Things to Look at

How often have you asked your dance teacher about the mechanics of astrophysics? Have you ever gone to a basketball coach to ask them about tennis? My guess? Rarely, if ever.

Then, when it comes to your career, the one thing you’ll be doing for over 40 years of your life, why do you go to the most convenient sample?

Often, especially when you are starting out, you go to your parents and teachers. While that’s an excellent support system, they are not always the apt system that you’re looking for professionally. Mentors play a massive role in shaping your future. They don’t control it. But they can make your career path easier, better, and sometimes, faster. 

There is a notion that a mentor chooses you. Sometimes. Maybe. But for the most part, you choose your mentor. You make yourself available and active in circles where you’ll find your mentors. If you sit at home all day, your parents automatically become your mentors. If you go to networking nights designed for tech startups, that’s where you’ll find mentors for the Tech fields. If you go to networking nights for artists and singers, that’s where you’ll find mentors in those fields. So, finding mentors is a two-way street where you actively seek them out and they reciprocate your initiative by mentoring you. 

While finding mentors is an essential aspect of any field, looking at the current trends in bias against women in workplaces, the right mentors become even more important for women. Vittoria Adhami, a  Professional Life Coach, also corroborates that these biases against women are ingrained in society and can hurt women’s chances of success.

All this discussion points to a very important statement- we need to choose our mentors wisely. We need to choose people who believe in our capability, have been in our field long enough to guide us and have the ability to adapt.

People who believe in your capability

While it’s all good to surround yourself with ambitious go-getters, not everyone is a type A personality. People learn and act on their own pace. Finding people who are ambitious but differently ambitious from you may actually hurt you more than help you. They won’t be able to see your work the way you do and so they can’t guide you as well as someone who knows how you work.  Your mentor must see your capability and your potential. Choose a mentor who sees the future you as opposed to the present you. Don’t find someone who flatters you. Definitely not, but find someone who gets you and is willing to guide you.

Have been in your field long enough

20-year-old CEO’s sound like a great idea. They are inspiring and envy-inducing. But do they make good mentors? Let’s see. To become a CEO today, in the start-up culture specifically, is honestly, quite easy. Anyone can become the CEO. It’s not surprising then, that 90% of all start-ups fail. Experience counts for a whole lot in life. Mentors who’ve ‘been there, done that and survived it’ are the ones who will help you tide through the tough times. From bad business deals to a shifting topography to hostile company take overs, an experienced mentor can help you through it all.

Ability to Adapt

While society’s attitudes take a while to change, their behavior can easily change. The market works on behavior. The global market is a dynamic caricature of society. It shifts and molds itself according to the way the world is changing. The Internet changed everything. Tomorrow, something else might. Find a mentor who is changing with the times. A mentor who has continued to grow in her/his field and personal life. After a certain point in someone’s life, our professional and personal lives tend to mesh. A mentor who has grown personally will take those learning to her/his professional life and will be able to learn some new, some useful and some futile tactics. She/he will be able to guide you through those learning as well.

How Can You Be Persistent?

Some things are easy. Doing them every day is easy. They become a routine and we don’t even question them. Writing, however, is not one of those things. Writing is easy when it isn’t careful. When writing is a form of telling instead of showing, it becomes easy, or easier. However, when you write in order to show the world how you think, writing ceases to be about conveying a better opinion or about expressing petty differences, writing becomes a way to introduce people to your mind, your thought processes, and of course, your being.

This new year I decided to write every working day. And I have been. But it’s hard. It takes time, effort, and considerable cognitive resources. Writing is fun when the ideas just flow onto the paper (or screen) and convey every thought that you wanted. It becomes a chore when your ideas take longer to express and harder to condense. Writing becomes a menace when the sentence doesn’t fit quite right or the word doesn’t seem exact. Now, no one is asking me to be perfect or write a Booker Prize piece nor do I expect myself to write the next ‘viral’ post, what I do expect, though, is excellence.

Excellence as a concept is fickle, but as an idea it’s magnificent.

The idea that I can be the best I’ve ever been at it, is exhilarating. It’s like the rush of sky diving, just without the cameras and the height. I may be better tomorrow, but today I’m better than yesterday and the day before and the month before that. Today, I’m the best I can be, as far as writing this piece is concerned. This piece, this idea, is excellent. And for now, that’s enough.

A lot of people have asked me what it means to persist.

This is what it means to persist. Writing for me, was easy, but then it wasn’t as good as it could be and probably will be in the future. When writing got hard, I learned more, I struggled more but I didn’t give up. To persist is to keep doing something even when it’s hard. To persist is to not stop. When you persist, you make time for whatever it is that you want to do.

To persist isn’t an abstraction, it’s a difficult reality.

When you persist, you’ll learn things you never knew before. When you continue to learn them, it’ll get difficult. What was once easy becomes convoluted. And that’s the beauty of persisting. You’ll change what you knew and alter everything you already know. In that way, you’ll grow.

Persisting is doing a little bit extra today than what you did yesterday.

Let’s Connect

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How We Can Learn to Be More Confident

How can we be more confident? What can we do that will help us be the best versions of ourselves? Confidence is such an intrinsic part of our emotions and beliefs. It’s how we feel, so measuring it objectively is hard. Yet, in today’s day and age where everyone is doing everything and rushing to the next big thing, confidence has become imperative for one’s self and their work.

The good news is that Psychology is slowly but surely finding all the answers for us. How can we be less hypocritical, what impact money has on us and most importantly (for this article) how we can increase our confidence.

My website, The Psych Way, is replete with ground breaking psychology studies that will help us be our best selves and better members of society. One of the studies, on body posture, have shown that if we stand straight, or hold up out head and keep our shoulders back, we can indeed increase our confidence.

Confidence then, is a belief which we can train and work towards.

Here are a few scientifically backed things we cam do to increase our confidence-

1. Sit up straight.
2. Before an important event, stand up and don’t slouch over your phone
3. Make it a routine to consciously walk and sit up right.

You can read the entire study and recommendations here- The Psych Way Confidence Boost.

I hope you learned something new.  You can follow The Psych Way on Facebook and Twitter.

You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter as well.

I’ll see you soon!

Love,

Sanah

Psychology Books to Read For..

Success

Hi there,

There are very few topics in today’s extremely specialized world that have the capacity to be related to all fields of life. Psychology is one of them. My love for psychology stems from this very idea.

However, this multifaceted nature of psychology makes it difficult to be able to find resources on specific topics. The massive reserve of books and blogs and website can be very overwhelming. So, to make it easier for you, I’ve complied lists of books to read for specific aspects of social psychology. Today, we’ll talk about 5 books on Success. I’ve included a blurb about the book taken from Goodreads.

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

“In this stunning new book, Malcolm Gladwell takes us on an intellectual journey through the world of “outliers”–the best and the brightest, the most famous and the most successful. He asks the question: what makes high-achievers different?

His answer is that we pay too much attention to what successful people are like, and too little attention to where they are from: that is, their culture, their family, their generation, and the idiosyncratic experiences of their upbringing. Along the way he explains the secrets of software billionaires, what it takes to be a great soccer player, why Asians are good at math, and what made the Beatles the greatest rock band.”

Mindset by Dr Carol Dweck

“Dweck explains why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success—but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. She makes clear why praising intelligence and ability doesn’t foster self-esteem and lead to accomplishment, but may actually jeopardize success. With the right mindset, we can motivate our kids and help them to raise their grades, as well as reach our own goals—personal and professional. Dweck reveals what all great parents, teachers, CEOs, and athletes already know: how a simple idea about the brain can create a love of learning and a resilience that is the basis of great accomplishment in every area.”

Grit by Angela Duckworth

“In this must-read book for anyone striving to succeed, pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows parents, educators, students, and business people—both seasoned and new—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a focused persistence called “grit.”

Why do some people succeed and others fail? Sharing new insights from her landmark research on grit, MacArthur “genius” Angela Duckworth explains why talent is hardly a guarantor of success. Rather, other factors can be even more crucial such as identifying our passions and following through on our commitments.

Drawing on her own powerful story as the daughter of a scientist who frequently bemoaned her lack of smarts, Duckworth describes her winding path through teaching, business consulting, and neuroscience, which led to the hypothesis that what really drives success is not “genius” but a special blend of passion and long-term perseverance. As a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, Duckworth created her own “character lab” and set out to test her theory.

Here, she takes readers into the field to visit teachers working in some of the toughest schools, cadets struggling through their first days at West Point, and young finalists in the National Spelling Bee. She also mines fascinating insights from history and shows what can be gleaned from modern experiments in peak performance. Finally, she shares what she’s learned from interviewing dozens of high achievers—from JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon to the cartoon editor of The New Yorker to Seattle Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll.

Winningly personal, insightful, and even life-changing, Grit is a book about what goes through your head when you fall down, and how that—not talent or luck—makes all the difference.”

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

“….An untested CEO takes over one of the largest companies in America. His first order of business is attacking a single pattern among his employees—how they approach worker safety—and soon the firm, Alcoa, becomes the top performer in the Dow Jones.

What do all these people have in common? They achieved success by focusing on the patterns that shape every aspect of our lives.

They succeeded by transforming habits.

In The Power of Habit, award-winning New York Times business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. With penetrating intelligence and an ability to distill vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives, Duhigg brings to life a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential for transformation.

Along the way we learn why some people and companies struggle to change, despite years of trying, while others seem to remake themselves overnight. We visit laboratories where neuroscientists explore how habits work and where, exactly, they reside in our brains. We discover how the right habits were crucial to the success of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, and civil-rights hero Martin Luther King, Jr. We go inside Procter & Gamble, Target superstores, Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, NFL locker rooms, and the nation’s largest hospitals and see how implementing so-called keystone habits can earn billions and mean the difference between failure and success, life and death.

At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, raising exceptional children, becoming more productive, building revolutionary companies and social movements, and achieving success is understanding how habits work.

Habits aren’t destiny. As Charles Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.”

Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin

“One of the most popular Fortune articles in many years was a cover story called: “What It Takes to Be Great.” Geoff Colvin offered new evidence that top performers in any field — from Tiger Woods and Winston Churchill to Warren Buffett and Jack Welch — are not determined by their inborn talents. Greatness doesn’t come from DNA but from practice and perseverance honed over decades.

And not just plain old hard work, like your grandmother might have advocated, but a very specific kind of work. The key is how you practice, how you analyze the results of your progress and learn from your mistakes, that enables you to achieve greatness.

Now Colvin has expanded his article with much more scientific background and real-world examples. He shows that the skills of business: negotiating deals, evaluating financial statements, and all the rest, obey the principles that lead to greatness, so that anyone can get better at them with the right kind of effort. Even the hardest decisions and interactions can be systematically improved.

This new mind-set, combined with Colvin’s practical advice, will change the way you think about your job and career, and will inspire you to achieve more in all you do”

I haven’t read Talent is overrated yet, but that’s the next book on my agenda. Don’t let the books overwhelm you. Pick a book that sounds exciting and go for it.

I’ll be back with lots more resources.

Till then, follow me on Facebook and Twitter!
– Sanah

 

How To be A Better Listener

As promised last week, today we talk about how we can become better listeners.Listening isn’t an act of hearing and discarding. Listening requires an active intake of information and an intentional attempt to understand that information. Good listening doesn’t end with a passive ‘okay’. It carries forward new ideas, better understanding, clearer perceptions and a better grasp on what one is saying and what one means by what they say. But listening isn’t an inherent quality, it’s a practised skill. One can learn to be a better listener. Becoming a better listner enables you to be a better communicator and a better thinker. So how does one become a better listener? Well, one must be present, be willing to hear rather than talk, must embrace the silences, be patient, be empathetic and be open.

1. Be Present  – Listening to someone requires you to attend to them and to maintain your focus on them. Be present in the conversation, don’t get distracted, don’t get on your phone, don’t message. Instead, take some time out of your day and just focus your attention on the person in front. Be present in the conversation.
2. Hear More – Whenever we are in a conversation, many times, we are tempted to tell our own stories. We rarely wait for the person to finish their story before we jump in and tell our tale. But to be an effective listener, you must hear what the other person is saying without preparing an answer. If your mind is too busy preparing an answer then you aren’t truly listening. So, discard all thoughts and focus only on listening, not telling.
3. Embrace the Silences – A lot of us are uncomfortable with silences. We regard them as a sign of a faltering conversation or as an awkward disruption. When in reality, silences can really help strengthen a relationship and give people time to gather their thoughts. Silence can deepen the conversation just by virtue of its being. So embrace the silence in a conversation.
4. Be Patient – Listening isn’t about just hearing someone throw words at you. Listening is about giving another person time to reflect their thoughts and emotions and then convey them to you.  Patience is a virtue that transcends cultures and conveys the fact that you are willing to wait for the person to take their time. SO be patient.
5. Be Empathetic – Listening without emotion is futile. But listening with judgement is harmful. When listening to someone open up their heart to you, try to feel how they feel. Obviously, you won’t be able to feel exactly as the person in front feels, however, at least, try to feel what the person might be feeling.  You need not agree with the person’s actions or their views but try to understand their emotions.
6. Be Open – No matter how well you know a person, they may have secrets or thoughts that you know nothing of. Whenever you listen to someone be open to new thoughts, new perspectives and new ideas. Remember – no matter how long or how deeply we know someone, we may never truly know who they are and how they feel. So be open to whatever they may have to say.

Listening may seem daunting, but as we spoke earlier, The Art of Listening is as necessary as a breath of air.

I’ll see you next Wednesday, till then let’s connect on Facebook  and Twitter?

5 Steps To Stay Inspired

“Inspiration is a moment. Its impact is a lifetime.”

Inspiration is fleeting. It comes and lasts for a minute before it evaporates and gives way to the monotony of life. Being inspired and staying inspired is a whole different ball game. How does one hold onto inspiration and use it to remain motivated?  Inspiration can be of any form. Sometimes inspirations lead to epiphanies, sometimes inspiration leads to desires or even sorrow. More often than not, inspiration leads to action or a  tangible idea. An idea to do something or make something. These ideas, no matter how big or small can lead to amazing life changes and decisions, however, many times these ideas get buried withing the first few days as lethargy and inaction take over.

As life moves on, we condition ourselves to let go of our inspirations and ideas because we think we’re too busy or that we aren’t inspired anymore, whereas in reality, we never truly break down our inspiration into a workable tangible solution and hence we lose motivation.

In order to keep the motivation and inspiration alive here are 5 steps to follow whenever inspiration strikes.

I – Innovate

To remain inspired, innovate upon your inspiration. Whatever your inspiration led to, try to make that idea better. Try a bunch of different ideas to make your current idea better. Look at it from different perspectives, different angles.

D – Design

Once you’ve figured out two or three of your favorite innovations for your idea, pick one and design it. As in, take it to completion in theory. How would your idea look if everything went right?

E – Expand

The next step is to expand on that idea. See what other components can be incorporated into your idea. Expand your idea to

A- Alleviate

Alleviate all the other ideas. At this time, stick to one idea. Design it. Expand it. And then alleviate all other ideas to stay focused on one idea.

S – Start Over

Once you’re done, now you can chase a new inspiration.

To be inspired is a gift. In this monotonous life, we often lose the joy of being inspired. So when inspiration strikes, take it by the horns, disregard what someone else says and follow it through. Many times your inspirational ideas may end with no major impact in your life or in society, sometimes they may also disappoint you, however, don’t stop being inspired. Take a step back and then start over. Always start over because even inspiration can’t evade you forever.

Hope inspiration finds you soon. Till then, let’s be friends on Facebook and Twitter?

I’ll see you next week,

Love,

sr

Forgiving Yourself

 

“Forgiveness is an art. It requires practise and precision for it lies dangerously on the borders of complacency and maturity.”

There are many ‘sides’ to you. Who you are as a person isn’t a linear graph. It’s checkered, complicated, selfish, giving, happy and sad. It’s an uncomfortable mix of way too many traits. Uncomfortable, because one is rarely 100% sure of who they are at a given time in space. On an average day, you can gauge who you are, and how you are and what you like and what you don’t. But on a lonely winter night, wrapped in many warm plush blankets, beside your books and your phone and your laptop (or kindle) you might often be tempted to figure out who you are and what are you like.

We dive deep into a sea of guilt, remorse, anger and sometimes, pity. Then, we sleep.

What our lives mean and if taken to an extreme, what does it mean to be truly alive. It is during these slender moments that our biggest fears, failures and setbacks haunt us. We dive deep into a sea of guilt, remorse, anger and sometimes, pity. Then, we sleep. Between remorse and sleep, we may call a friend or a parent. We may go online and seek solace in whatever achievement we’ve managed to muster. But ultimately, we sleep.

What we forget, though, is to forgive. We chide ourselves and often resolve to do ‘better’ (whatever that means to you)  but rarely do we forgive ourselves. We may justify our actions, our thoughts. We may rationalize, we may even blame others for them. But as I’ve already said, we rarely forgive ourselves for them.

There are many reasons we find it hard to forgive ourselves. Maybe, we don’t think we deserve forgiveness, maybe we think we don’t need it.

But, that’s not true. Now, I don’t have any data or scientifically proven empirical research, but I do have a perspective (as always), so I will say this: we need to forgive ourselves.

There are many reasons we find it hard to forgive ourselves. Maybe, we don’t think we deserve forgiveness, maybe we think we don’t need it.

We need to be able to take a fall, make a mistake, bum off and then, when it back fires, forgive ourselves. Don’t get lazy or complacent, but acknowledge that it’s okay to be human, to get lazy, to bum off, to ‘not feel it’ every once in a while.

When we forgive ourselves, we learn to recognize a flaw, comprehend it’s consequences, and then, work on it. When we don’t forgive, we get so caught up in defending and berating ourselves, that we forget to comprehend and improve. Why would you improve on something when you’ve convinced yourself that”you’re just lazy” or that “you deserve this”?

Why would you improve on something when you’ve convinced yourself that”you’re just lazy” or that “you deserve this”?

You probably won’t.

So, forgive yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Learn from it and ultimately grow from it.

I’ll see you next week, till then, let’s be friends on Facebook, maybe?

Love,

sr

How to Start A Day

 

“Wha good is a new day, today, if your heart is stuck in yesterday?”

A new day has unlimited possibilities, really. But more often than not, we dread new days. Does each morning bring with it another ray of hope, a reason to fight for your dreams and keep your spirit alive?

Well it should and here are a few absolute ‘musts’ to tell yourself every day, first thing in the morning, for a better, happier, more successful day, every day.

1. Today is a new day

So yesterday was a bad day and maybe so was the previous week or yesterday was good and so was the previous week,however today is a new day. It’s yet another day to make progress and change whatever I want to change and be whoever I want to be. The bad won’t last, the good won’t either, so I must do my best today.

2. Tomorrow won’t hurry up

No matter what I do, unless I have a time machine and haven’t told the world yet, tomorrow won’t hurry up. It’ll take its sweet time and creep up on me slowly. So live for today, work for today, because tomorrow will eventually come, but it won’t hurry up for me, so don’t waste today for tomorrow.

3. I am the best version of me

We’re all flawed; either we think so, or someone else thinks so.Bottom line is, no one is ever perfect. But I must bear in mind that among all these imperfections, I am the best version of me. I am unique, I am priceless and I am amazing and nothing can change that.

4. Yesterday doesn’t define me

Yesterday is gone. All that remains of yesterday is my memory of events and successes and failures. It cannot define me and never did. I and only I can define myself.

5. Everything isn’t the way it seems

Things aren’t what they seem and that’s okay. There is always room for error and miscommunication, it doesn’t mean things are ruined, it just means life is going on as it should; a little complicated, a little predictable. So it’s okay, if things aren’t always what they seem.

6. I don’t know everything

With so much going on every day, every minute, every second, it’s okay to ask. I don’t have to know everything. I’m capable of learning what I don’t know and if I need to, I’ll ask.

7. We all have secrets

We all have secrets, some good, some not so good. My secrets are mine alone and having secrets isn’t bad and the same goes for everyone I know.

8. I can achieve all my dreams

Age is merely a number and the months merely a restriction. I can achieve all my dreams, no matter how bizarre or unrealistic they seem to others. My dreams, like anyone else’s are valid and deserve to be worked upon. Today is a day closer to achieving my dreams.

9. Today is another miracle

A new day is a gift and today is no lesser. There are always miracles happening somewhere in the world. Just because I can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Someone is being kind, someone is caring, someone is helping, someone is trusting and that is no less that in a miracle.

10. Failures are okay

Failures are okay. Everyone fails, the important part is to get up and start over. My failures are okay. I will get up, I will start over and I will finish successfully.

11. Others don’t define me

My family, parents, siblings, college, state or political affiliation don’t define me. Nothing defines me except who I am. Others do not and never will define me, they can be a part of my life, but not who I am or who I aspire to be.

12. I can start over anytime

Staring over doesn’t need to be solely in January. I can start over anytime, any day, anywhere. Turning a new leaf, changing something in life, isn’t a matter of the right time, it’s a matter of will power and conviction which can happen anytime, any day, anywhere. My life is in my hands.

13. Life goes on

No matter good or bad things happen, life moves on. Nothing lasts forever so even though things might be amazing or awful, life goes on and I must move on. I have to improve, become better, become who I want to be, overcome failure and heartbreaks and go on with life.

14. I don’t owe anyone anything

Who I am, what I’ve reached and where I want to go is my prerogative only. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, a reason, an apology, or anything. My life is mine and must continue to be so.

15. I deserve the best

Where I come from or who I am, doesn’t automatically dictate what I ‘deserve’. I deserve the best of everything I get and I will not be guilted into thinking otherwise.

16. No one except me can control my happiness

Nothing controls my happiness. Some things or people might facilitate it but they can’t control it. My happiness is in my hands only and I can induce it as and when I please.

17.  Everything worth fighting for is hard to get

Life isn’t about roses. Roses are overrated anyway. If something is difficult or hard or seems impossible then I have to work harder, be stronger and work longer. Everything worths having is difficult and I can have everything I want and overcome every obstacle in the way.

Start every day, as the best day it’s ever been and for all you know, it maybe. I’ll see you next Monday.

Till then, let’s be friends on Facebook, maybe?

Love,

sr

What to Hold On To and What to Let Go

“Hold onto all the beauty you’ve ever felt, but let go of all the pain it caused.”

Every passing day, I make several choices.  Some good, some not so good; some substantial, some frivolous. But almost every decision stems from a basic idea – to hold on or to let go.  Should I hold on to the situation, the people, the emotions or do I let go? Do I hold on to what is said and done, or, to what could or could not be or, do I let go? This choice is at the crux of most decisions and I wondered if others felt the same. Turns out, they do.  What should we hold on to and what should we let go? How do you decide what is important to keep and what isn’t? How can we decide which battles should we pick? Here, I talk about just that- what to hold onto and what to let go.

But almost every decision stems from a basic idea – to hold on or to let go

Let go of –

Everything that’s holding you back – Your fears, your insecurities, people. Letting go isn’t easy, but then nothing good is. Let go of everything that holds you back and makes you stay or stop when you don’t want to.  Because if you stay, you never know what you didn’t see and where you didn’t go.

All your doubts in your heart – “Will I make it?”, “Can I do it?”’, “Is this too hard?” Yes, you will make it, yes you can do it. Yes, it is hard, but it’s not too hard. You are often your biggest critic. Cut yourself some slack, take a chance on yourself and take the plunge.

Cut yourself some slack, take a chance on yourself and take the plunge.

Everything you’re scared of – What people will say, what others will think, what the outcome will be, will it be just as you planned it. Well, the future is not right now, so work on right now. The fear of tomorrow shouldn’t manifest today. What people say, is up to them, not you. What others’ think, is their mentality and morals, not yours. What the outcome will be, you’ll never know till you actually work on it.

The fear of tomorrow shouldn’t manifest today. What people say, is up to them, not you. What others’ think, is their mentality and morals, not yours

The failures you’ve seen – Be it in school, college, jobs, whatever, a failure is temporary. The situation is temporary. Failure happens and at some point in life, it’ll knock you hard.  Let go of it. It’s a thing that happened. It’s a thing that hurt, but it’s a thing you need to let go.

The haters – Because that’s all they do. No matter what you do or don’t do, someone will hate it. Someone, somewhere will tell you that you aren’t good enough. Someone will always be there to tell you that you didn’t do it well enough.

Hold on to-

The good stuff – The rain when it splatters, the puddles, the flowers that blossom, your happy place, your favorite food, the things you love. Everything you love, makes you feel alive. It’s where you belong, it’s the little things that make you feel good.

The rain when it splatters, the puddles, the flowers that blossom, your happy place, your favorite food, the things you love

The memories – Good or bad, memories become a part of who we are and how we see ourselves. Hold on to them because they remind you of everything gone by, everything that went right, everything that went wrong and of everything that can be.

The successes you’ve seen – Any success requires work, time and effort. Holding on to your successes make you see the light when the tunnel’s too long. You did it once, you can do it again.  The success reminds you of the joy and pride of an accomplishment. Keep them close and seek inspiration when things don’t look so good.

Your family – It’s possibly the only set of people you’ve known your entire life.  It’s whoever your family may be.  Keep them close. Learn from them, seek support from them, be with them because they are possibly the only people who will be truly happy when you are happy.

The critics you love – Good work is only as good as its’ smallest flaw.  Choose your critics carefully.  Keep your critics close. Learn from what they say. Grown from their criticism.

Good work is only as good as its’ smallest flaw.

Your best friends – You love them and you hate them. But hey, you chose them. Hold on to the friends who have been there through thick and thin. They will be there for the good and bad and for that, hold on to them.

Your ability to love – In a world as cut throat, unhappy and harsh as ours, the ability to love is to be cherished and sometimes hidden. Hold on to it, cherish it, protect it. Love what you love, who you love, and love yourself and your ability to love. Don’t let the harshness of the world make you lose your ability to love.

Hold on to it, cherish it, protect it. Love what you love, who you love, and love yourself and your ability to love.

I’ll see you Saturday. Till then, hold on, let go and be true to yourself.

Love,

sr

 

“Must.Not.Fail”

“What good is success if failure was never touched upon?”

Ever wondered what failure looks like? Ever thought what it must be to live a perfect life and never worry about disappointment? To always live at the pinnacle of success? I did and it looked pretty much like ‘The Giver’- a boring, utopian society where no one innovated, no one discovered and no one ever won or lost; where the only motto in life, would be ‘Must Not Fail”.

In reality, “Must Not Fail“ is such an overrated concept. To be perfect, or aim for perfection, is a noble thought, but in reality, it’s a grand scheme to foster imperfection. Too many words? Well, simply said, perfection is overrated. Perfection is different for everybody. No one person or event or situation is perfect.

Perfection is different for everybody. No one person or event or situation is perfect.

This idea that one must not fail is just like the idea of perfection. Failure at some point in life is inevitable and that’s the good part. To give up after failing is bad. Failure is a event, or situation, if you will, in which life doesn’t go exactly as you planned it. Why is that SO BAD? Why do we get so upset if every once in a while, we are reminded that we are human? Life in any case never goes as you plan and that’s the beauty of it! The ability to move on and get over a failure is the most important life lesson you’ll ever need, so if you don’t fail, how do you live? Failure isn’t this grand abstract concept hidden in the depths od the rainbow, it’s a simple process of learning and recognizing patterns and situations and then getting over it and moving on.

Failure is an event, or situation, if you will, in which life doesn’t go exactly as you planned it.

Well, here is how you fail:

You did the best you could  – Failure doesn’t evoke an emotion simply because the word sounds bad. Failure is so devastating because you’ve put your heart and soul into something and in return you got nothing. You were left holding the pieces of what could have been and what you wanted it to be.

You didn’t do the best you could – Failure is the regret of what could have been, of how you could have made it better, of everything you could have done right. Regretting the lost opportunity and the failing to make the best of it.

By holding back – You didn’t give it your best. You were lazy, you slacked off, or you just weren’t up to it.

You were too scared – Failure is lacking the courage to take the plunge. Failing to step up to the plate, to do what you should have done.

But then, that isn’t so bad. It’s a process. Failure isn’t bad. As I’ve said before, failures never stop. As a parent, as a child, as a sibling, as an entrepreneur or, whatever your roles in life be, you will be faced with failure. The trick is to not let failure stop you or break your spirit but, to recognize that failure is simply situational. Recognise that the most successful individuals have failed many times before and even during their success stories.  Also, failure doesn’t happen to those who don’t try. So chin up, you’re already ahead of the curve.

I’ll see you next Wednesday. Till then, chin up, shoulders proud and look out for my next post.

Love,

sr